No cavities all my life and for what?

Fucking wisdom teeth. So my oral surgeon seemed nice enough. He asked about me, what I did in college- the usual nice things people who are about to cut you open do I suppose. I told him I was SA President at Rice. He said he was student body president at his college for a year too. He told me that if that's the case I clearly must have drank. Very perceptive. He then tells me that after he starts the anesthesia that it doesn't even compare to alcohol. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad sign.

I wake up. I suspect he was entirely lying about his college career just to make me feel better. Funny, I can't imagine feeling worse right now. It's as if my mouth has developed four tiny brains and they are all having migraines at the exact same time. And I'm bleeding. But what's this cloth like feeling in my mouth? Oh, it's gauze. Or maybe it's my incredibly dry tongue. I'm not really sure. Meanwhile, I don't want to get up since I feel hungover. My oral surgeon walks in and tells me- I bet you feel like a chipmunk now don't you?

Hold up.

That's not funny for many reasons. The primary one being I'm too tired and uncoordinated to find and throw something at him. I bet I feel like a chipmunk? Maybe you should have done something better then?! For all I know you just drilled holes in my mouth for the hell of it and left the teeth there. Secondly, my cheeks aren't actually swollen (yet at any rate, we'll see). And I highly doubt chipmunks go through their lives feeling this much pain. They have an evolutionary reason to their big cheeks. Evolution dictates a need for my wisdom teeth as well. My poor mouth has no longer been instructed to fit these third molars in, but I say it's about time for some dental reeducation in this country. In theory, natural selection and evolution increased the strength of a species. Yet I see no strength in the gallons of blood and heaps of pain that humans have collectively endured. My theory? Dentists do something to us as we're kids. Cleaning our teeth my ass. They're fucking up our genes so our wisdom teeth grow in all ass-backwards so they can reap in the money. I'd continue my rant, but I'm not sure where I was going. Needless to say, I'm in quite the drugged stupor right now. I have in front of me two options. Pudding, or bed. Seeing as it will become blood flavored pudding at this stage, I think I'll opt for bed. As uplifting as this blog was, just think of it in the appropriate context. Your day has been fantastic in comparison.